Bench at the Cove
by SilentWriterGirlWithADream
Summary: 10 years after Requiem (Spoilers) Lena and Hana see each other at the cove and tell each other the story of their lives and remember what has lead up to the paths they are on. M because war, killing... ect. First fanfic please read!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **** I don't own any of the characters that are in the delirium books they belong to Lauren Oliver. **

Lena POV Now

"Raven, be careful, the sand is rough," I explain to the girl whose hair is made out of a crown of leaves and twigs and has my earth warm brown eyes. "Gracie, can you make sure she doesn't hurt herself," I yell over to Grace. She is sitting eating an orange when I catch her eye. She is much taller than she was when she was covered in ash and blood all those years ago when we reunited. She smiles her pearly white teeth look like they were bleached from the sun's rays shining down on them.

She laughs and the pitch of her laugh is a thousand playful breezes rustling the leaves on the trees and the grass. She shakes her head and looks at me for a brief moment a look of sadness crosses her face and, I know why Raven has something she so desperately wants: A loving mother. I am the closest thing to a mother but, not a substitute. "Lena, you worry way too much even for a mother." She half yells and half laughs back; while she is running to Raven. She picks up the small girl and spins her around. Raven's shrieks of laughter are a million birds chirping. I sit on the bench at the end of the cove watching Raven settle into Gracie's embrace. A smile is etched into my mouth and I understand what made me so beautiful that day on my high school graduation and is making me so beautiful: love. I feel like laughing too, to dance in the warmth, the light that seems to surround us all. I watch them thankful for every day we have had together and the ones we have yet to experience.

Then, I notice a woman sitting next to me her golden locks looks as if they just came off of Rumpelstiltskin's wheel are braided together. Her skin as white as snow but, wrinkled a little: underneath her eyes and around her mouth from time whipping past us all of us. Taking what it wants and leaving what it doesn't from us like a little child never waiting for you to impatient, I suppose. As her empty, glazed over, eyes look into mine I can only think one thing:

_Hana_

Hana Now:

The woman next, to me peers into my soul with her brown eyes. I know who she is of course: Lena. She has wrinkles at the corners of her eyes from smiling too much and there are scars up along her arms, legs, and neck. She looks strong of course; all those years in the Wilds will do that to you. She looks well feed and, I know she is. She was looking at a little girl and a teenager. Gracie is the teenager, I presume and the little girl is her daughter. I knew she had one she had to take a leave of absents from her job at the end of her pregnancy. This may not be the first time I have seen her in ten years, I just came from a meeting with her and a few other people but, this is the first time that I have seen her in a nonprofessional way. I get a good look at my former best-friend.

I sit with my ankles crossed on the bench. My wedding ring is on my ring finger as is hers but, hers shows something more than a simple pair, like mine, hers shows a variety of things rebellion, loyalty, love and, most of all: choice. I too, have children they have blond hair and blue eyes. I named them Cassie and Robert they are twins. They remind me of what I was like at their age: rebellious, impatient, and free.

We sit in silence for a while just staring into each other's eyes. Then, I break the silence. I ask Lena a question that makes me feel nothing:

How is Alex?

**AN: What do you think? R&R**

** Be honest but nice!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Delirium and all it's characters belong to Lauren Oliver**

**AN: Please Review! I really want this to be a good story!**

**Thank You to the people who reviewed.**

Lena POV Now

I was taken aback by her question but, then again I haven't talked to her as Lena for the past ten years nor has Hana talked to me as Hana. Instead, I talk to her as Magdalena Haloway-Sheathes, and she talks to me as Mrs. Hardgrove _(AN:Is that how you spell it?)_ widow of the mayor of Portland now paired with Daniel Thomas another high political figure and, she is still cured.

"Fine," I say in a tone that matches her causality, "How is Daniel?" I ask politely. I hate this. I hate talking to Hana like this. Like everything is fine and nothing has happened in the past ten years. Like we are just two strangers who know nothing about each other; that we didn't spend an entire childhood together, laughing at secrets that only we knew, going running whenever we got the chance to making up rewards to help us get through the pain into the pleasure. _The same thing I did when I thought Alex was dead. _ Hatred, pure dark hatred encroaches on me threatening to kill any light in my life. I am not sure who I am mad at me, Hana, or the rest of society. Why didn't Hana uncured herself? Why did she have to turn Alex and me in? Why didn't she save Fred all those years ago? Why am I still worrying about her? Why didn't our friendship survive this? Was it because I always said our friendship would never last? _Yes,_ What could I have done differently? How dare this society make lovers into fighters? How dare we have to hate to love? Then, I remember Hana's word from before all this madness happened. When I was just in-between and Hana was my Hana: _You can't be happy unless your unhappy too_. I ball my hands into fists and took a deep breath and, watched Gracie look at me. Her eyes are as wide as the moon but shining like stars with worry. She recognizes Hana and doesn't know what to do. She does not know what happened to Hana and me all those years ago but, she knows it was bad. Then, she told me about the food I remember that day so clearly.

Lena POV Then

"Mom," I said in a clear but obviously tired voice but, content voice, "This is Grace." My mother smiles she like everyone else was covered in sweat and grim and blood. Like a plant trying to break free of the dirt to rise up into the sky to feel the sun on its leaves. Mine and Gracie's hands are now bloody because of tearing and fighting the wall, she is now a rebel to. I will protect her from as many of the things I can of this harsh life. She will not kill she will be safe and have a happy life full of love.

Then, my stomach feels as if someone has put a boulder in it and decided to shake me and at any moment it would explode. We will be like Raven and Blue, I realize.

"Hey, Gracie you must be hungry why don't you find some food for the two of us, I'll be right here and after words we can talk." I say nodding to the line of rations. She senses my change in mood and nods.

I turn to my mother, "How is Raven?" I ask though I know the answer I can't bring myself to believe it until I hear it.

My mother shakes her head sympathy in her eyes, "I'm sorry Lena, Raven is dead." Those words tear my world apart like Alex did all those, what feels like, years ago with his t-shirt, ripping away strip by strip until all you have left is a bunch of tatter cloths

Or, bandages.

Because that is what we do in the Wilds we break and then take the shards and scraps and build them into something useful, something functional. I will file her death and everything else that happened today for the night. I still have Grace to take care of today and, she needs answers.

**Hoped you like the chapter!**

**Please Review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Delirium and all its characters belong to Lauren Oliver**

**AN: Please Review and R&R let me know what you think.**

Hana POV Now

"Fine," I say in a clam, level voice. In the distance I feel some longing, like someone is yelling at me but they are too far away for me to here like the roaring of the waves. I remember Lena and I in a similar position so long ago she was telling me about her mother and how she was about to run off to the Wilds with Alex. I remember she asked me if I would like to come to. I wondered what would have happened if I said yes. If I told her that I let the secret slip; that I told the government about her and Alex. Would we still be friends? Would I have fallen in love to, become infected? I don't know but, I do know that every day is the same, stable and perfect that today will be the same as tomorrow. Well, everything will be the same except I will not go to this cove again. Where Alex, Lena, and I share so many memories; it is the only place besides 37 Brooks where such memories exists and, that was burn down when the Invalids took down the walls on the Choosing day; The day where Fred was killed by the bomb in our house. The bomb I left with him.

I watch the waves ebb and flow like a painters strokes. I watch how Grace and the little girl laugh and play now they are sitting on a blanket building sandcastles. They remind me of Lena and me so long ago.

Lena wears a blue-green dress, her shoes are off and her feet have gravel on them from the so-called sand. There are scars on her feet too from what I am not sure. Her long hair that was tied up in a bun when I last saw her is now flowing freely playing with the breezes that come our way. I am curious about her. Where has she gone and what she has done over the past ten years? Of course, I read her biography; everyone must read it, mine, Alex's, Julian's, and Annabelle's, biographies who goes through school. It is part of the curriculum for recent history. Lena's is read by sophomores while mine is read by freshmen. Everyone knows their options so when they become a senior they can make a choice: on whether the wish to be cured or not.  
The cure: a procedure where you cannot feel love. Those who get is can undo it if they are unsatisfied until they are fifty.

"What has Grace chosen?" I ask.

Hana POV Then

I walk down the street and hear a loud "Bang" the house has exploded and Fred is dead. I keep on walking. I walk until I see and abandon house a sad lonely little thing with its doors still open; it is empty. I strip off my white gown it is now dirty from the mud and the grass, and change into a purple tee shirt and jeans. The room looks like it had been ransacked the family that lived here obviously wanted to get out of here quickly. Maybe to join the invalids?

I do not know how I feel about being in a sympathizer's house. It's ironic this whole thing started at 37 Brooke's a sympathizer's house now it ends here, for me anyway.

_No _a voice says. _It is not the end just a different beginning._ It says again. The voice it sounds so familiar I wonder where I heard it before? It tone is light and teasing, quiet and soft in reminds me of a river that Lena and I used to sit at after our runs. My mother would always make us food so we can eat afterwards.

I sit up and walk out of the house. I know where I am going now. If it's a war the Invalids want it's a war they are going to get. They are not going to destabilize this world. I am the mayor now, for my husband is dead.

_God forgive me for I have sinned._

**AN: So what do you think? It's harder for me to write Hana's POV than Lena's. We will see more of Alex and Julian in later chapters. What do you think about becoming uncured? After, begin cured.**

**R&R please. Tell me what you think!**

**Yes two updates in one day!**


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Delirium and all its characters belong to Lauren Oliver

AN: Please Review and R&R let me know what you think.

I will try to update again soon!

Lena POV Now

I look upon my two beautiful girls. Gracie is splashing around with Raven. The drops reflecting the afternoon sky making a shield around them making sure they are safe, protected from the thing we call war. They have a glow, even though I can only see two black silhouettes, they still have a kind of aura that makes them glow from a place that is impossible to see with the naked eye. Like, two dark coals burning feeding the fire making it come alive. I feel the warmth of the flames, and soon my hatred is nothing but ash. It reminds me of an old quote from the days before the cure:_ The best and most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or even touched- they must be felt with the heart._ It's true so true and when someone gets the cure they cannot feel with their hearts. The cure is like cutting your arm or another body part when you go to feel- you feel nothing.

I look toward Hana her open curiosity, reminds me that my best friend from years ago is still caged in there, somewhere. Her eyes are still out of focus, like she is looking past me, like to her I am a thing that needs to be studied. Yet, most zombies do not show wonder, especially not so openly. Cureds never ask questions they believe what is told to them and, believe that is best for them. They don't choose.

"She has decided not to get the cure," I say. It was always obvious that given the choice she would never choose the cure. Gracie wouldn't because the only thing she ever longed for was love.

"Oh," Hana says as if she is surprised. Like she couldn't imagine a world where the cure existed but, once long ago there was before the Blitz before the walls before the fighting. There was no cure. In my world, the cure is something that people do if they want to forget, they want to leave the pain, and the happiness or, sadly enough, if they couldn't break free of their parents.

Then I ask a question; I don't mean to ask it just pops out of my mouth like a piece of bubble gum right before the bubble collapse and gum is stuck all over your face.

"Why?"

Lena POV Then

Gracie comes back with a tray of food. She is trying to balance it as she clamored over the rocks and twigs. Her lips tugged upwards as she saw me again and, her eyes were flooded with relief. In a sea of strangers I was her family and, she was mine.

We sit on the floor Grace is in my lap I am stroking her hair while she ate and holding her tight. The food was much more than I was used to here out in the Wilds. There was a slice of bread, one of those sunflower patties I ate when I first got here, a huge bowl of rice and rabbit stew.

While she eats I tell her my story. I start at my first evaluation. She laughs when I described how the adults danced on top of the desk trying to ward off the evil cows. It's nice to hear her laugh. I've never heard it before and, I wonder if anyone else has heard it too; the though feels heavy like someone has just put a part of the wall in my stomach. I tell her that I fell in love with Alex. I tell her that love makes everything so much more beautiful. That you will smile and laugh more than you ever though could be possible but, at the same time it can shatter you, break you up in a million different pieces so, that you can only the ugliness of the world. I tell her that love will make her cry more tears than you thought you could be produce. I tell her about Julian. How against all odds it is possible to love two people at the same time and, how you have to choose. I tell her a life of love is a life of choice. That you have to make decisions that will rip your heart in two and, some decisions that will mend them.

She tells me things too. Her life in Portland, and how she missed me and, how hard her it was in the Highlands. She tells me about Hana and how she brought them food. I silently thank Hana for looking after Grace. We talk and talk. Grace talks more than I ever heard her talk. My only desire: that she didn't have such a sad story to tell.

At night we curl up together. Her steady breath eventually lulling me to sleep.

Raven is climbing and climbing over the wall with Blue on her back trying to get past it. She is almost to us. She is almost over the wall. Just one more had hole one more and she will be with us. Then, a gun goes off and Raven and Blue fall and I scream. Blood pour from her womb and Gracie comes forward with the baby in her arms and it is Hana who is crying and crying with a huge bruise on her cheek.

I wake up. Short of breath, and covered in a mildew sweat. I look over at Grace and see that she is still sleeping. I wiggle my way out of her arms and walk to the river nearby. The babbling brook's rhythmic pattern helped me calm myself.

I took a deep breath in. _Raven, Blue who else?_

I let the breath out. _M_y _mother, Alex, Grace. _

FinallyI let the sobs vibrate within my body. Allowing them to go from the center of my heart to the tips of my toes and fingers. I allow everything that has happened since I met Alex be released like Pandora's box. One of the few stories that was actually unchanged in The Book of Shhh. I allowed everything out of me because I knew this maybe my only chance to mourn the sacrifices that have been made because, after this I didn't have time to mourn I could only move forward.

I wipe my tears with the inside if my arm and, I got up. I walked back to the camp and sat back next to Gracie.

Tomorrow, I need to talk to Julian.

**Review Please!**

** I wanted this chapter to be intense did I rush it?**

** I need feedback! I want this to be an amazing story.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Lauren Oliver owns Delirium and all its characters****. **

**Please Review!**

Hana Now

"Why, what?" I ask out of curiosity. Lena is biting her lip, an old nervous habit that we both used to share. I stopped doing it years ago. It was unlady-like and it showed panic something a cured should never have. Especially, me the leader of the cureds. I cannot be second guessing myself; I have to be sure and steady.

"Why did you kill all of those people? Why didn't you get uncured? Why didn't you save Fred?" she asks so fast that I think I might have misheard her but, then she speaks again, "Why Hana? Why?" I am surprised. This is the first time she has said my first name in the past ten years without a title. She usually addresses me as Mrs. Founder, or Mrs. Hardgrove, and very rarely out of respect for my husband Mrs. Thomas but, never ever has she called me Hana.

I do the same, I call here Lady Magdalena, or Mrs. Haloway-Sheathes. Never do I call her Lena. Never do I dare acknowledge we had a past. That once, still beyond my comprehension, she was my best friend. We once laughed and ran together. I wonder when was the last time I laughed.

Of course, a long time ago, she could ask such questions to me. She could try to understand why I've done what I've done but, that time has long since passed. I have become a free woman now. Free form guilt or war, free from insanity that once consumed my life. Lena is free or at least she says she is free. Free to feel whatever emotion she wants or love whoever she pleases but, burden with feeling guilt and saddens. She always says in her speeches how that is the balance of the world. But if that is the balance to be burden by such emotions then where is the freedom? She says that being cured is having everyone take away your choices, that emotions are freedom. But don't emotions make the choices for you? If being cured isn't freedom and being infected isn't either then, what is? Is there such a thing as freedom? Or did we make it up so we can twist it for our own purposes?

I do not know and I do not expect to ever know. All I know is, I will live with this choice and all the other choices that I have made good or bad.

Then, I begin to think of how Lena and I started in the same place at the same school. How we grew up together and how we were best friends. How we rode bikes and ran together. How she was always the cautious one and I always was the reckless one. How she always followed the rules of the cureds like a lost puppy and, I always the one rebelling, the one breaking them.

I look at her how her long chestnut colored hair falls down her back. How her eyes are like two brown orbs that engulf everything they see and burning it like the tree bark is burned for a fire. Her muscles are toned from all that work in The Wilds; they are bulging trying like they are about to pop. Her skin is covered in scars on her arms, her legs, her hands, her feet, her mouth, her eyebrows, her neck, even her fingers and toes, and I suspect there are more that I cannot see.

How did we ever become friends and, how did we ever become twisted into these people that the neither of us recognize.

"How?"

Hana Then

I find one of my body guards. The chaos has died down and the invalids have retreated for the day. I tell him make the announcement that my husband is dead. I am the mayor now and we will fight.

"How?" he asks. The man, whose name I have forgotten, asks.

"They killed my husband, our mayor. They are just a bunch of savages." I say simply. "We will call backup from the D.C.F and we will fight them."

"The phone lines are down, ma'am," he says.

"Then send a troop of men into The Wilds." I say simply.

The man's eyes widen they You can't be serous? are a deep blue like they contain the ocean but, they look like I just sunk his ship. "The Wilds? With all those savages?"

I look into his eyes still in shock of what I am saying. "Yes, I am the mayor now and, I command _you_ to organize a party to take into the Wilds and go get help. While you're at it kill as many of them as possible." I say my voice reminding me of the crack of a whip.

He stares into my eyes for another brief moment almost; as if to challenge me or accuse me of having a hand in my husband's death. My heart begins to skip a beat it begins galloping, thundering and, I am certain that he will hear it.

"Very well then, madam mayor," he says and then take a bow. His blond locks fall to his forehead and I see that he is not much older than me he maybe perhaps a year older than Fred.

I watch him walk into the horizon with his had still on his head. As the fires begin to die down leaving only smudges of gray smoke.

**Okay, **

**What did you think?**

**I know in Requiem she left all that mayor stuff behind but remember she is still the mayor's wife to the people it's not something that can be easily escaped. It looks like she went through some really horrific stuff. Throughout this story I plan to make Hana, Lena, Alex, and Julian into real leaders and that means they are going to have go through a lot of stuff that will challenge them and test them. **

**I hope you liked it.**

**Please comment, criticize, and review.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of Delirium or it's characters they all belong to Lauren Oliver!**

**Read Review!**

Lena Now

"How?" I ask, parroting back to her the question she just asked me like a child who is just learning how to talk. She must think I am an incompetent idiot. I look her straight in her unfocused eyes. They are still as blue as I remember them like the sky but, they have dulled to what a lake would look like only reflecting what is in front of them and nothing more. There is still no sign of life in those eyes like there once was. I show her that I actually do have a brain and I know how to use it. That, I am not someone to mess with; to threaten. That invalids are not just a bunch of mindless savages.

"How did we ever become friends?" she asks her voice is cool, calm collected. She speaks at a relaxed, leisurely, pace. Like she always talks now; not that fast bubbly way that always made you laugh out of pure joy she did when we were little. That always sounded as if she knew the secrets of the world and she was only a centimeter away from telling you.

The question itself makes me feel like I have just swallowed a bunch of the rocky, sand between my toes. Like I drank a gallon of the water in the ocean and now I am about to vomit it all up. Has she really forgotten it? All of it? All the whispered secrets in the soundless night under her covers. All the times a teacher caught them talking in her class and asked us: "Would you like to share with the class?" How I blushed and shook my head while she threw her head back and laughed whole heartedly at the whole situation. Does that mean nothing to her now?

I once asked Rachel what it was like being cured. She told me, what I always suspected, that being cured was like being a sleep. Nothing feels real it is all just a dream. A very boring dream but, a dream none the less. Maybe that's why cureds don't dream because their lives are just dreams. "When, you wake up it's like a blanket that has been weighing, that was suffocating your whole body is lifted and you feel free again, You can touch things and know that they are there, you can feel things and know that they are yours to feel." she had said.

Invalids, prefer reality and, all that comes with it. All the sadness, all the pain and the joy. I know the cureds argument of "your emotions are choosing for you, they make irrational and illogical decisions." but, that is what life is. Emotions, you do something because it makes you happy or you have a sense of duty to do it, or you will get killed otherwise. You choose to be burden by sadness so you can feel happiness. It's supposed to be illogical you can't be logical in it. When you are logical about life you miss out on the most precious things in life. Other than love, you miss out on compassion, and passion, sympathy and empathy. You miss out on trying to understand people and their invisible rules and, make your own.

I take out a granola bar from my purse. Alex, Gracie, Julian, and I, always carry food around. Our bodies will never forget the hunger they have felt and, always are cautious of it. I have become hungrier than usual. I have also, been getting sick and throwing up. Alex and I went to the doctor yesterday she told me that I am pregnant. We haven't told anyone other than Grace yet, and she knows how to keep a secret. She has been keeping all of mine for years.

I look at Hana again. I feel my lip tug upwards as I remember all the secrets she has kept for me. _All except one_. The most important of all. My lips return to where they once were. As I remember her question the sadness fills me again like a drop of food coloring put into a basin of water. Changing it dying it into foreign color something different unrecognizable.

My hate recedes and I finally answer her question. "Friendships, are different for everyone. How you experience them and how you react to them and, what would you would do for them. It changes not only from person to person but, also each friendship is something completely different from another one it doesn't matter who is feeling it just is." I explain because the sadness of knowing she has forgotten what friendship is and needs to be explained gnaws at me. Like a hungry bear clawing at me slashing my arms my leg and my feet and my heart.

"Sounds," she takes a minute to find the right word, "complicated." She says at last.

I laugh, it reminds of a bunch of wet stones being released making a thudding on the ground. "Yeah, I they are, they are also very messy, but, I think of them as snowflakes."

"Snowflakes?" she asks. I have peaked her attention. She looks at me with so much curiosity that she almost looks like the old Hana, my Hana.

"Yeah, because each one is different, each one is unique, each friendship is unique." I say.

She nods along as if agreeing with my analogy, then, she says, "Because each one is so fragile."

My throat tightens like I have just swallowed one of my wet stones, "Yeah, that too one action can destroy it," I say. "But, there are friendships that can withstand anything, that can adapt." I say.

She nods again and I look at Raven and Gracie who are still building a sand castle. One tower has fallen and they are trying to rebuild it. I smile at them. Raven has sand in her hair. That crown of leaves and twigs will need to get washed when we get home.

"Tell me more, about our friendship. Our snowflake," Hana whispers to me.

Lena Then

Raven's funeral is today. We shall bury her body with dirt and, we shall bury her memory with the things that need to be done because Raven's death serves as a reminder that we are still at war. Tack pulled out of the attack on Portland to bring her body back so we can have such a service, so we can remember. I hold Grace's hand as we walk to the river to get cleaned up. I strip us both down and try to wash the blood and dirt from our clothing. Raven has done so much for me that the least I can do is look presentable at her funeral. I remember the last time I went to a funeral it was Blue's we couldn't really even bury her properly because the ground was so hard. Before that, my mother's funeral and I am not quite sure if that counts because she is still alive. I want to run like I did back then but, I can't people need me now. Gracie needs me. I finally, understand how Raven can be so strong because when someone else is depending on you, you have no choice.

Instead of running, I leave Grace's and mine clothes out to dry. I take her hand and lead us into the water. It is cold, of course, we got up early so we can bathe. The water is still getting warm and the wind cry around our bodies as, the fridge water bites us like that dog did to me a lifetime ago.

I can tell that Grace is cold but, she does not complain she has always been good on reading the situation and she can feel the somber mood. Like the world and everything in it is holding back tears because nothing will ever be okay again Raven is dead. I quickly wash the both of us get rid of the blood and dirt underneath my nails and my hair. I wash Grace's hair trying to rid it of the dirt and soot.

Once they are dry, we quickly change into our clothes. I look at Grace's hair and I gesture for her to come to me. As I braid her hair I look for and for something to tie it with. I locate a blue flower that has a black center. I know for today it will be perfect. I tie her hair and grab her hand.

She gives me a small, sad, smile she knows what is going on. Yesterday, I told her about Raven too. I return it and, we walk back to camp together, hand in hand.

I do not introduce Grace to anyone today. Today the somber mood that I have is spreading to everyone. We make our plans for another attack and more plans to break down the wall but, every word is heavy with Raven's death.

I tell Gracie to sit which she does so obediently and, I get us breakfast. I do not look at what food I am eating or taste it. It all tastes like the dirt that Grace and I sit on at the moment. No one approaches us.

After breakfast the funeral starts. People stand guard of course because in the world of war we cannot let our guard down even for a second to grieve for a loved one because that would be too human, to compassionate, for the zombies. I still hold on to Grace's hand as Julian, Alex, and Tack dig Raven's grave.

Raven looks so peaceful. As they wrap her body up in a blue blanket. Her Raven hair falls down the side of her face protecting it. For once she does not look tired she looks at peace. Like she can finally breathe. Like she will take a breath at any moment and, for once it will be a breath that she doesn't have to fight for.

I see Tack as tears run down his face. I have never seen him cry before today not even once. Today, he does so freely and everyone just stares at him for a second. Then, I grab his hand and squeeze it and say, "She is with Blue now." He stares at me for a second and looks at Grace and then just nods. Everyone else has stopped staring and their gazes return to the hole where Raven's body is being lowered. As dirt covers her. I shut my eyes tight.

Then, I feel a squeeze. I look into amber eyes and nod. Alex gives me a small smile and, then takes his hand off of my shoulder. We do not embrace or kiss we just stare into each other's eyes until I look away and focus on the hole. Alex has told me that even though Raven is dead it will be okay. That the world will go on whether we want it to or not and we have to go along with it. I look at Grace and pull her closer to me. Knowing what I now need to do.

Once, Raven has been buried and her grave has been marked the crowd dispersed. Like a million little bugs trying to run from cover from a hug boot that will smash them. I smile at Grace as we walk to the wall. We have been assigned to the team that will take down the wall. I spot Julian as he walks toward us.

He smiles but then he sees my expression and it disappears. "We need to talk, later" I say. He looks at me and then understands. His blue eyes that remind me of the ocean reflecting the endless sky widen and then he nods. I know he knows what coming.

The world my not end after this war but, mine might and I want to set everything straight before then.

"I'll find you," he says.

I nod and he walks away so many things have changed and they will continue to change. That is a part of life we change and adapt to our surrounding to our lives that we lead. Another thing that the cure robs people of the chance to change and evolve or does it? Doesn't everyone have to change? Don't we all have to? Isn't it some sort of universal law that no matter what happens we have to change? Like the season and the trees. I do not know. If cures can cheat nature or if it is a law at all. But something tells me that I will find out.

I look to Gracie and smile, "Come on let's move forward." I say.

**How do you like it!**

**This is my longest chapter so far.**

**What do you think Julian will say?**

**How do you think Lena will handle herself?**

**What did you think about that whole snowflake/friendship conversation?**

**What do you think is going through Hana's head as she remembers her friendship?**

**Do you think I handled Raven's funeral well?**

**Review, Criticize, Comment, Tell me what you think! **


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters and Delirium. They both belong to Laruen Oliver.**

Hana Now

"Our friendship…Our friendship was like…" Lena moves her hands in odd gestures as if she can pull the right words out of the air, like she is trying to describe something that words cannot describe or at the very least do no justice to. "It was like…" she looks forward only her eyes are not here. They are unfocused, squinted as if she is trying to look past the ocean the Old Wilds, past it all. Maybe to a place where our friendship still exists?

I look at Lena's daughter and Gracie. Grace has grown she has become taller and her hair is playing in the wind. Lena's daughter looks a lot more like Alex than Lena. She has Lena's rose breath lips and dark brown eyes that can bury you but, Alex's bronze hair and nose and his skin tone too. Once again I feel a muffled longing inside of me like you are in a room and next door they are having a conversation and you can hear it through the walls but, you can't make out the words.

Thomas is the only one that knows. He is the only one that knows that I still have dreams- nightmares- about what I have done, about everything else. He wakes me up from my nightmares and holds me until I go to sleep.

Then, he walks back over to his side of the room and sleeps.

"We… were... jealous." Lena states as if this is some incredible discovery. Like she just discovered the biggest secret of the universe and this will change how everyone thinks, acts, and feels.

"We were jealous of …each other," she says again with the same amount of surprise. I think about it for a moment. I was jealous of Lena. I was jealous that she was infected. I was jealous that she was infected and was happy about it. I was jealous that she was becoming something greater than herself, was blossoming and all I could do was sit there and watch. That she had the guts to break free of the cage that they put us in and I didn't.

She was jealous of me too, of course. I was pretty and outgoing. Everyone liked me. I had good grades and an honorable family. I had money, air-conditioning and, everything else that the cureds value.

She didn't really know though. I didn't really let her know that I wanted, I needed, to be free. That the exams, the pairing, the expectations, were surrounding me pressing down on me, slowly suffocating me, destroying me. Like on those cartoons you see where the walls slowly close in one you, until you are smashed into a million different pieces. I could have told her that. I could have told her what my life was really like but, I chose not to and that is probably the biggest reason why we are sitting here on this bench like two complete strangers.

The gentle whispers of the wind carry my guilt. I am almost tempted to bite my lip like I have done so many times before. I push away the guilt. Cureds are rational, logical, so they always make the right choice. The choice that society knows is right. They feel no remorse.

Hana Then

"Very well then. We will attack the invalids this afternoon. While they are taking down the wall," I state my voice is not my own. It sounds like the waves ebbing and flowing but crashing at the same time, destroying or sweeping away anything that gets in the way.

"Tell the guards, that they are to act on this order at once," I say to the blue eyed man, my voice still not sounding like my own. Is this the how my voice will sound from now on? Will I get use to this? Will I change like it has? Is this the right thing to do? The answer to the last one is simple:

No.

I will be killing Lena. After all, yesterday she saved me and I saved her. Are we truly enemies? Guilt and sadness whisper in my head. I do not know what to do. I am the mayor now and, the invalids are killing my people now. _Like your people killed theirs? _I shake my head, trying to erase the thought. The thought is sent back to be with my guilt and sadness.

I remember once, when I was with Fred before he got so violent. I remember he and I walking together at a respectful distance apart. Like we were each in our own little bubble with nothing but oblivion separating us. How foolish and naïve was I back then. He was telling me about his life and his childhood. Telling me about the great honor to grow up as the mayor's son. He told me about the responsibilities that will be his and why they protected the city.

"Well because," he had said, "Nothing but chaos will happen if the invalids take over. This peace… would be gone. Replaced by the disease. And also…" he held his tongue.

"Also?" I said gently prompting him to tell me more.

"Also about what happened to Marc Bishop," he said in a lower voice before.

Risking sounding too curious, "Who is Marc Bishop?" I asked.

Fred tightened his lips as if he the air around us had a sour taste that her couldn't get away from. "He was the mayor of the Los Anglos district, his paired was killed when the invalids infiltrated once." He waved his hand like a magic trick. Like he could make all the invalids disappear. "He became weak and the city eventually fell. He was able to escape though. He made it to the next town over. They were able to help. They got the whole…._situation _under control. But Marc well he had to face the consequences of allowing the invalids to invade the city and drive out the cureds." He said.

I asked a question, one I am not sure I wanted to hear the answer to, "Consequences?"

"Nobody really knows what happened to him." He said shortly but, the look in his eyes portrayed something, something beyond fear, beyond terror, his eyes portrayed something that shouldn't even be capable to feel even without the cure.

I do not want feel it.

I look to the blue eyed man and say, "Thank You." Once again the blue eyed man's eyes are wide with surprise.

"You- Your Wel- Welcome," he said. It is not often that cureds in high ranking positions such as myself say these kinds of polite words to soldiers. They are invisible. We do not see them.

Now I must be responsible for dozens of lives.

_God forgive me for I have sinned._

**So? What did you think?**

**What will happen next?**

**Thank You for bearing with me and waiting for me.**

**Thank You for reviewing and your wonderful criticism!**

**I am sorry about not updating for a while. I had alot of tests and then exams and then I got sick.**

**I am feeling better now.**

**Please leave your thoughts, ideas, comments, and criticism.**

**Review.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I do not own Delirium by Lauren Oliver **

**Hope you like this chapter.**

**Hey, I am changing the rating to M because I am making it a little darker than I thought it would be. I am also extremely paranoid. **

* * *

Lena Now

The world has shifted. I am surprised that the sand beneath my feet is not trembling. I am surprised that ocean has no spilt in two revealing the fiery and molten lava at the center the shift in my world is so sudden so unbelievable. Hana was jealous of me? For what?

Then, I remember, I remember the reason why I traded up stores that contained food for, hunting and, water with just a switch could give you different temperatures to cold water that you had to run for. Love, that is why she was jealous of me love, something that can kill you when you have it and when you don't.

How did we get to this point? Two best friends who spent their while childhood laughing together and running together to two strangers who have completely different lives? I don't understand any of this. Was it because of Alex? Is that when we began to change?

No.

No. Alex has had nothing to do with what happened to us. He may be a symbol of the spark the ignited the fire that burned our friendship down into nothing but ashes like the matches he lit so long ago. He is definitely not the reason. The reason was my mother. The reason was Hana's need for music. The reason was the same thing that brought us together. The reason was our need, our need to love and to be love. We both wanted the freedom. The freedom to love but, we also wanted the freedom to stay safe. That is the conflict that destroyed us. The illusion of safety; we are never safe not even the Cureds. We could all die tomorrow. Without knowing what happened. We are in constant danger, even now we could die. Right now I am risking myself

I look at my family. Grace and Raven of course they are not all of it. Alex is a part of my family, he became a part of it the moment I allowed him into my heart again. The moment I gave him a choice to hurt me again to help me heal the wounds that he inflicted on me when he died. The moment that he gave me the same choice.

* * *

Lena Then

The gunshots sound like balloons popping. _Pop goes the weasel_. The bullets are like a million rocket ships all heading toward us. It's like the erotic yet steady beat of music. They are flying all over the place. We all are a huge beaten animal, trying to escape our master's torment. We are trying to escape the whippings and the beatings and …

"Grace!" I call out my voice, the edge of panic is the dog's growl: mad, insane, and protective of itself making sure no one and nothing can ever hurt it again. I search for her standing as another gunshot wizzes past me just grazing the bridge of my nose.

"Get down!" someone screams at me, like they can't possibly why I stand there like road kill when bullets surround me as if I am in an eye of a tornado. Just then as they me push to the ground and I taste the dirt. I see a flower - a flower in a braid- _Grace!_

I push whoever is on me off and, I briefly wonder if it is a corpse of a living being. I crawl to her, clawing at the dirt. Then, another bullet grazes my thigh. They are getting closer they should not be able to shoot me from this direction. I have to find cover. I have to get to Grace.

My eyes scan for something to find cover in something that will shield me until I get to her. My stomach drops. I am going to vomit right here at the idea that crosses into my mind. Right here as Zombies shoot at us I am going to vomit. This is savage. I can't do it. This is disgusting. This is the only thing I can do if I want Grace or I to live.

I see a body.

He is probably a little older than me twenty perhaps. He had green eyes that now stare at me as if he were a Cured. His face that would have been handsome with his strong chin and high cheekbones is marred by pain and warped by hatred. His hair is blonde like it was dipped in the cream on the sun it tumbles on his forehead where there is a smug of blood. His blue tee-shirt is now covered in blood his or someone else's; I am not sure. The shirt has been tatter and ripped apart as if some primal beast used him as a starching post. Sick. His jeans are in shreds and through the tatters you can see deep gashes, some bone even it is quite obvious that they did not just shoot bullets in him but, something else. Something that you would only use if...

You wanted to writhe in pain to show them what true pain was like.  
If you wanted them to beg for death.

This is savage.

His nails are still digging into the ground as if he still had hope that he would live that he could escape.

I realize that I have seen him before. He was with my mother. What is happening to her? Is she dead like her friend is? If I see her will she be able to tell stories of the pale man? What would this pale man do if there was no such thing as the Cure? He wouldn't be here none of us would be here. We wouldn't be dying and killing and sacrificing. We wouldn't be fighting just to survive. We wouldn't be wondering why do we have to die so young. We wouldn't be happy all the time I expect but, we would be happy some of the time. We would feel pain but, we would get through it some of the time. This man died and ten years from now no one will remember him, just like no one will remember Raven

Or me.

No that is wrong Grace will remember me. She will live even if I don't. I hide myself under him whoever he was. He is heavy, heavier than the buckets that I run with. He died of a bullet in the heart. I know that because the pool of blood underneath the wound is the biggest of them all and now it is leaking onto me my back and head clumping my hair and down my for head parting at my nose and down both my cheeks as if my eyes were producing blood tears.

I crawl to her. She is cowering behind a stone scared with blood on her face and dirt and grime in her nails. She lost her shoes somewhere along the line.

"Grace!" I scream. She sees me her eyes go wide. I can only imagines what she sees. I hold out my hand and she grips it as if I could pull her into a different world. One less filled with horrors. As if under this corpse there is a world where love and hope exists and there was no killing, no massacres, no bloodlust.

We crawl across the field and, I remember that this is the place where I crossed over for good the day that my life as Lena Tiddle ended and so did my innocence.

Now my throat constricts because now Grace's innocence is dying here too.

"Lena!" a voice is screaming, panicking, really. Then, I see a crown of twigs and branches hidden in the trees. _So close_. He comes out of the trees holding out his hand to get me into the forest. His eyes are light and I know that is we could take the light from his eyes and power a thousand lights that in the nest of trees that we have made our homes in we could have a million sparkling lights and we would never have to fight the darkness again.

I hand Grace to him. He grabs her quickly and carries her back into the forest. As he is leaving I feel a sudden pain in my legs. I bite my lip from keep on screaming out. I taste blood it is not just not mine it is the corpse's in order to crawl my legs have had to remain exposed. Just then, I feel another scalding pain in my other leg. The taste of blood is now mixing with dirt. I am bleeding heavily and I can't move my legs but, I can feel the pain. I crawl I am no more than a foot away or maybe more the blood lost might be effecting my judgment of the distance. I am almost safe.

Almost.

I feel faint I am losing too much blood. I will bleed out like this. Just like I thought Alex did but, I doubt I will have Alex's miracle.

With the last of my breath I scream "_Alex!_"

He runs to me.

I see his scar.

I black out.

* * *

**Well there you have it. Sorry I haven't abandoned the story. I have been studying.**

**How do you think everything that just happen is going to affect Grace? **

**What do you think will happen to Lena?**

**What do you think will happen to Hana when hears/sees what kind of damage she has caused and has been responsible for a massacre?**

**What kind of relationship do you think Annabelle and the corpse had?**

**Where do you Annabelle is?  
Where do you think Julian is?**


End file.
